"*puts orinj paw owt, jently taps teh dots onna hed, wun by wun*"
"Mah hubcat sumtiemz calls wun uv owr kittehs “Brunswick” cuz teh kitteh iz bowling-pin-shaped wen himz sittin down."
"I has da basal cell carcinoma nevoid syndrome aka wun tipe of skin cancer – bin skin cancer fwee for *awmost* 5 yeers wil b 5 dis fal but I has a condyshun dat maykes me suscept…..success… makes me prone tu skin cancer fureber so I alwais hasta git checked n sumtymes git biopsies – ouchie ouchie!"